


The Rumble Where You Lay

by felassans



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Death of a loved one, Depressed Levi Ackerman, Eventual Resolved Sexual Tension, Eventual Smut, F/M, Feels, Goth Mikasa Ackerman, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn, Smoking, im writing this for me but you can read this too if you want :)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:49:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29583315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felassans/pseuds/felassans
Summary: The death of a loved one always cuts deep, especially when you parted on bad terms.Returning home for the first time in years in order to try to piece together your broken heart, you suddenly find yourself piecing together something else entirely -  the shocking discovery of a dark secret that Erwin Smith spent his life chasing finally comes to light, and the truth threatens to shake the peace of your sleepy hometown. With the help of 3 high schoolers and the War Hero Captain Levi Ackerman,  you struggle to unravel the truth behind a complex thread of betrayal, whilst also reconciling your growing romantic feelings towards your brother Erwin’s most trusted comrade - you must decide whether to run away from the past, or confront your enemy head on.Whatever you choose… there will probably be hell to pay.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman & Reader, Levi Ackerman/Reader
Comments: 15
Kudos: 23





	1. Prologue

“So I’ll never learn the truth…” Commander Erwin Smith sighed mournfully as he slumped down on top of the rubble that had begun to build up besides the battered and weary house at the edge of the battlefield.

“Huh?” His most trusted Captain, Levi Ackerman, responded – unsure of what his superior was referring to.

“I just… wanted to find that safe… Everything I’ve done up to this point, I did in the hope that a chance would come,” He murmured, visibly deflating as his hope of returning home began to dwindle. “I dreamt that I’d get to prove I was right… that I would get to show her that she didn’t have to hate him after all.”

He paused as the sound of distant explosions edged ever closer to their perimeter, like a thunder that threatened to throw the whole world up in flames. The beleaguered Commander’s breath caught in his throat as he lifted his bloody hands and stared at them.

“Many times I felt that death would have been easier, but then I think of the questions I needed answered and now those answers are no more than a coward's leap away… I’m so close,” The hot tears pricked behind his eyes as his voice wavered. “Can you see them too…? Our comrades, they're all standing around us. They’ve been watching us all this time; they want to know what we did with the sacrifices that they made… What became of the hearts they gave.”

Suddenly a shower of debris rained down upon them as a nearby house was obliterated by artillery fire, but the two comrades remained unflinching – even as the other men and women of the Survey Corps had begun to panic and scream.

“That's probably just in my head, right? Of no more import than a child's bad dream.” Erwin’s head dipped, as if he barely had the strength to look forward anymore.

Levi’s brow furrowed as he paused for a moment to allow those words to sink in, the cries of terrified soldiers had become nothing more than white noise by this point, before sinking down to his knees in front of his Commander for the last time.

“You led us well. fought hard. No one else could’ve gotten us this far.” His voice softened, “I’ll make the choice for you.”

Erwin looked up again to hear what his Captain’s decision would be – locking eyes and taking in his pained expression.

“Give up on your dream and charge to your death. Lead those crying children straight to hell. I’ll reach their war chief… and tear him apart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t written anything in a very long time, but I’m trying to be more productive in spite of COVID because my unemployed ass has nothing better to do so … shoutout to Kit for encouraging me to write this and proofreading it for me ily son ♡
> 
> Tags will be added with updates as I don't want to spoil too much too soon but new tags will be included at the beginning of the chapter so you won't come across any content without tw/cw.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a beautiful day for such a tragic affair. 

The procession of black cars that had been crawling down the quiet street finally came to a halt, met by an honour guard of soldiers standing proud in their ceremonial attire on the side of the road. Dressed in their finest dark-green frock coats adorned with silver aiguillettes and medals of honour and distinction, with matching peaked caps, black pressed trousers and polished boots - the soldiers of the Survey Corps stood resolute in their formation and ready to do their duty one last time. 

You heard your heels click against the tarmac as you and your Mother both slowly stepped out of the car and closed the door behind you, looking up you could see how the mid-morning light filtered delicately through the trees as a brisk winter breeze had begun to shake the autumn leaves free, threatening to carry away all the remaining colour in the world. 

You closed your tired eyes and took a deep breath.

“It’ll be okay.” You heard your Mother whisper to herself as you both walked towards the front row of chairs that had been placed on the lawn. You felt somewhat relieved that the overnight frost had left the ground hard enough that your heels didn’t poke holes into the perfectly manicured grass. 

“Yeah…” was all you could manage in response as you took your seat.

As the rest of the seats behind you began to fill up, six of the honour guards moved from their position and stepped towards the flag covered casket that rested atop a horse drawn caisson. The pallbearers were mechanical in their movements as they carefully removed it to carry him to his final resting place as a nearby brass band emanated a sombre melody to accompany them as they walked towards the grave. As the soldiers carefully placed the casket onto the lowering device and lifted the proud flag of Eldia that had been elegantly draped across it, your mind idly wandered back to the last time you saw this scene all those years ago. You had been just a little girl back then, no older than 4, watching angrily as they lowered your Father into the ground. You faintly recalled your Mother’s soft sobs and the way that Erwin’s hand clasped firmly around yours, his face harder than 10-year olds should ever be. 

The sudden fire of artillery dragged you back to the present as the gun salute began, 15 shots echoed across the cemetery - each a punching reminder that he was gone. You watched the soldiers meticulously fold the fabric that they held in their gloved hands and, as the gunfire ceased, Commander Shadis stood.

“In the name of the founder Ymir, our brother and comrade Commander Erwin Smith has gone to his rest, ” he spoke, his severe voice piercing through the crisp air. “With faith and hope in eternal life let us assist him with our prayers and thank him for his tremendous service in the defence of our great nation of Eldia.”

The soldiers had finished carefully folding the flag, ensuring that the wings of freedom pointed upwards as you and all the other attendees stood and placed your right hands on your chests - a gesture to offer up your hearts to the founder, though you couldn’t imagine how a broken one would be of use to her. 

“Captain Ackerman… If you will.”

Another soldier that had been standing behind Commander Shadis stepped into view and made his way towards the casket, you noticed that he was considerably shorter than the rest of his comrades - guessing that he was perhaps shorter than you even without your heels on. You realised that this man must have served under Erwin, perhaps he had even been by his side when he fell. Captain Ackerman reached the grave and placed his hand upon the lid of the casket. The crowd watched tentatively as he paused for a moment, as if to say a silent goodbye, and then accepted the flag. The soldier then turned and began to walk towards you and your Mother - a blank expression covering his face like a mask, although you could see in his cold grey eyes a familiar weariness that all that had come home from the war alive seemed to share. 

You watched as Captain Ackerman gently placed the token in your Mother’s trembling outstretched hands. 

“On behalf of King Fritz, the Survey Corps, and a grateful nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved one's honourable and faithful service.” 

For a brief moment you thought that you had heard his deep voice ever so slightly quiver, as if for a moment his grip on his emotions had slipped, yet when you looked back up towards his face you saw nothing more than a rehearsed vacant stare underneath his peaked cap. As if the Captain was staring right through your Mother… as if she wasn’t there at all… And in that moment, you thought that perhaps this was just as difficult for him as it was for you two. 

“Thank you, Captain.” Your Mother smiled sadly as she accepted. Captain Ackerman placed his hand across his heart to salute again, and then wordlessly returned to his position behind Commander Shadis a few metres away. 

The service continued on without disruption, as the Commander invited the attendees to stand and share their fond memories of Erwin. A fair amount of people spoke, all recounting the highs and lows of their time with him - embarrassing moments at high school dances, all the times that Erwin had carried group assignments during College, the moments in battle where he inspired his comrades to continue on against the Marleyan advance against all odds - the crowd laughed and cried in equal measure, glad for the time that they got to have with him no matter how short it truly was. It was your turn next, you grimaced as your Mother attempted a reassuring squeeze on your knee to prompt you to get out of your seat and walk towards the platform. 

“And now we shall hear from __________ , a close relative of Erwin’s.” Commander Shadis introduced you as you took your place at the stand. 

You looked out at the crowd of mourners as they anticipated whatever glowing commendation they expected you were about to deliver. A lump forming in your throat as you struggled against the sting of tears in your eyes. 

“H-Hello,” You coughed to clear your throat and took a sip of the water that had been left for you. “Sorry, I’m not really one for public speaking.”

A few in the crowd laughed nervously, clearly sympathising with how hard this must have been for you. You noticed Erwin’s close friends from your hometown - Hanji Zoe, Nile Dok, and his wife Maria - offer reassuring smiles from the third row. If only that was enough to take the tremendous pain away. 

“I was only 4 when Erwin joined our family. When my Mother took him in I was so happy that I finally had someone to play with at home, he was the closest thing to a brother that I’ve ever had, and imagining a world without him in it… well… it just feels wrong doesn’t it?” you looked up at the crowd to see others nodding along in agreement, your Mother however had begun to cry and you could see her struggling to keep it together. 

“The last time we spoke we - '' your resolve weakened as you felt your breath hitch, your notes trembling in your hands. “ … We… uh I’m sorry -'' your voice caught in your throat, unable to contain your tears any longer. Your face crumpled as you hung your head to hide beneath your hair.

You could hear the awkwardness fill the air as the breeze fell still. The silence interrupted only by a cough and muttering from the back rows. You suddenly felt a presence at your side as Hanji quickly placed their hand on your back, and you wondered how on earth they had gotten to you so quickly. 

“It’s okay __________ ,” They whispered, “I’ll help you finish.”

Although they had been closer to Erwin at the time, Hanji had always been there to pick you up when you fell - a constant source of unconditional and enthusiastic support throughout your childhood. You were so relieved that they were here today, but as Hanji went to take the flashcard from your hand, you quickly pulled away. 

“No it’s fine. I- I’m just,” You steeled yourself, as you placed the notes down on the stand and moved to take Hanji’s hand instead. You wanted to do this for yourself, but you just needed the moral support, “I can do this.” 

You took a deep breath and continued.

“The last time we spoke together was right before his deployment to Shiganshina, he talked about his hope for victory and the trust that he placed in his comrades. But he also talked about the dream that he had for when the war was over, and he could come home again… and being the dumb kid sister that I am - we argued about it. He always wanted to do the right thing, even if it meant hurting people’s feelings sometimes, and he was willing to sacrifice to make a positive change in the world. We argued because I didn’t want Erwin to be a hero, I didn’t want him to challenge the way that I thought, I just wanted him and my Mother to be safe and happy and alive,” 

Your voice trembled as you tried to suck up your tears to no avail. You looked towards the casket and directed the next part to him - on the off chance that, wherever he was, he could hear you. 

“I am still mad - furious even - that I won’t get to see him again…. That he won’t get to accomplish his dreams. But I’m also immensely proud. Proud that he fought with honour and bravery, proud that he sacrificed so that others would be able to come home to their families instead. There are so many things that remain unsaid between us, but I hope that he knew how much I loved him. I really cannot put into words how much he meant to me and my Mother - he really made our family feel complete again after my Father died.” 

Hanji squeezed your hand reassuringly. Your Mother was desperately wiping away her tears.

“I’ll end it here for now, but thank you all for coming today, we are honoured that he kept such good company and that so many of you were glad to share the ways that he had touched your lives. To so many of you Erwin Smith was a hero, but to me… he was just my big brother. I will miss him dearly, but I am comforted by the fact that he’s been reunited with his Father and might finally know the peace that eluded him whilst he was alive.” 

A polite applause began as you closed your speech, and you looked up to see Hanji blinking back tears behind their glasses. 

“You did great.” Hanji sniffed.

“Thank you.” You mouthed as you pulled them in close for a hug, wrapping your arms tight around your old friend. 

As you rested your chin against Hanji’s shoulder, you couldn’t help but glance back towards Commander Shadis and the honour guard. Half expecting to see the stony detached faces of hardened veterans glaring back at you, you were surprised to see how dejected they all looked - even Captain Ackerman’s expressionless face had begun to look pained. Erwin must have meant so much to most of the people that were there that day, and for a brief moment you didn’t feel so alone anymore. 

-

After the ceremony had ended and Erwin had finally been lowered into the ground, the mourners all made their way towards the large mansion at the edge of the cemetery that had since been repurposed to host wakes for the military personnel that had been laid to rest there. For a considerable amount of time, you and your Mother had stood in the foyer in order to greet a crowd of faces that you mostly failed to recognise and accept their deepest condolences for your loss. A small part of you was grateful that so many had come to see Erwin laid to rest, but for the most part you just wished that this whole nightmare would be over. 

As the last of the guests had expressed their sympathies, your Mother handed you another glass of white wine and raised a toast to Erwin.

“May he rest in peace.” She spoke softly.

“I hope so too.” You replied as you clinked your glass gently against hers.

“Thank you for the eulogy sweetheart.” she sighed as she took a swig rather than a sip. 

“I couldn’t think of anything to say,” You admitted. “Last night I was stressing trying to find something meaningful to talk about and all I could think of was that stupid argument we had before he left.”

“Siblings argue. Even adopted ones.” She pointed out. 

“I guess.” You took a sip of wine, it’s subtle citrus notes with hints of gooseberry felt smooth going down and you made a mental note to take a bottle home with you - if you were going to sit at home drinking and feeling sorry for yourself as you grieved, you might as well do it in style. 

“What was that argument about anyways? You two never talked about it afterwards.” She asked.

You stopped and remembered that day in that quiet little coffee shop. How your latte turned bitter in your mouth, the way your hands gripped your scalding mug as he spoke, the dead look in his eyes as you chastised him. 

_“Please... If you care about me and my Mom at all, just give up on this. ”_

“Let’s not bring it up here Mom, it’ll only spoil things,” You gave a half smile as you squeezed her shoulder. “What’s done is done.”

A sudden feeling of exhaustion crept up on you, a desire to take a break from it all stirred in the back of your mind as you excused yourself to go to the bathroom - although you had no intention of using it. The moment that you were out of sight, you walked up the elaborate marble staircase and headed towards one of the balconies in the back rooms of the building. You rummaged through your purse, pulled out your packet of battered emergency cigarettes, you checked the date on them, and broke your 5-month clean streak. 

You had always been nothing more than a social smoker - only ever doing it whilst out with friends and drinking - but the past week had been draining, and for a moment this was the one thing that your brain needed to calm you down. 

You put the end between your lips, lit, and inhaled. 

You let your body fall back against the brick wall as that familiar rush of nicotine crept through you whilst the smoke comfortably filled your lungs. You closed your eyes and held it for a moment, savouring the sensation, and then exhaled - the heaviness in your body lifted away if only for a moment, carried away with the dissipating stream of smoke. It was a temporary relief, but a relief, nonetheless. 

You opened your eyes again as you realised that you hadn’t actually been alone.

“Can I help you?” You asked as you turned to see Captain Ackerman standing in the doorway staring at you, unmoving as if you had caught his attention. 

Now that you were both standing together you were finally able to get a better look at him. He wore more pins on his uniform than the other soldiers present, although you weren’t entirely sure what most of them were there to represent beyond his rank. You also noticed just how tired he looked, his soft pale skin contrasting against the dark circles under his eyes betrayed his lack of sleep to you.

“I just wanted some fresh air.” He said, looking awkwardly away from you. 

“You won’t find any out here.” A small chuckle escaped your throat as you stood upright again and blew out another puff of smoke.

“It’s a filthy habit you know.” He returned his gaze to you, raising an eyebrow.

“You’re right,” You said sarcastically, “I’ll quit again tomorrow.”

“You're a terrible liar.” He said, the sole of his polished black shoes making a satisfying tap against the grey stone slabs of the balcony as he took a step towards you.

“Did you just come out here to insult me or would you like one?” You tilted your head towards him as you tapped your cigarette in your hand in order to remove the ash that had gathered at the tip. 

He paused for a moment, looking at the cigarette in your hands and then back up at your face again. You couldn’t quite get a read on his expression, unsure of whether or not he was silently judging you for asking or taking his time to consider it. He sighed as he removed his cap and combed his fingers through his black hair, letting it fall back into place, looking much younger now that you could see him unobscured.

“… Sure.” He replied. You chuckled to yourself as you used your spare hand to fish the packet out of your bag once more in order to retrieve the last remaining cigarette and pass it to him. “You got a light?”

“So what brings you here Captain Ackerman?” You ask as he placed it between his lips and waited, you stepped closer towards him and pressed your thumb against the stiff wheel but all it did was release a few sparks.

“It’s a funeral.” 

“I meant the balcony.” You smirked as you tried the wheel again, this time managing to light it for a second, but the wind blew it out. “Shit.”

“Here,” His fingers gently brushed up against yours as he reached up and took the lighter from your hand to do it himself. He cupped his hand to protect it from the wind and, after a few presses, managed to light it. “Thanks.” 

“You’re welcome.” You smiled as he handed your lighter back to you and took a drag. 

“It’s a shitty lighter.” He remarked, ignoring your original question.

“It was Erwin’s.” You explained, deciding not to press him on it. 

“Oh.”

“Well… it was his Father’s actually. He let me borrow it once and I just forgot to give it back,” You continued. “So I guess it’s shitty _and_ old.”

He didn’t respond to what you said again. For a minute or two he just stood there as if lost in his own thoughts, looking out towards the endless white tombstones on the field below that stretched across to the horizon, as he quietly smoked his cigarette. You looked up towards the sky and found yourself wondering what he might have been thinking about, although it wasn’t hard to guess that it probably had something to do with Erwin, his expression remained difficult to read - you weren’t sure if he was annoyed by your presence or if he was like this with everyone that he met. 

“I-” He started to speak, then suddenly stopped himself.

“Hmm?” You turned back towards him.

“No, It’s nothing…” He looked back at you again now, his expression had softened a little and his eyes were no longer home to that coldness that you had encountered earlier. “My condolences for your loss.” 

“Thank you…” You replied softly. “Did you know him well Captain Ackerman?”

“That’s the second time you’ve called me that,” he blew out another puff of smoke and flicked the ash off the end. “My name is Levi, and yes I did.”

“Levi…” You repeated a few times as you racked your brain, his name rolling slowly off of your tongue, as you suddenly remembered all the times that Erwin had mentioned him in his letters home - you recalled how he had seemed so fond of his Captain despite his abrasiveness, and that the absolute trust that they had placed in one another had been one of the only things that Erwin was sure of at times. It brought you a little comfort to know that he hadn’t been completely alone on the front lines. 

“Don’t wear it out.” He sighed. “You’re __________, right?”

“That’s me.” You confirmed. 

“Yeah, he mentioned that you used to write to him.” He replied.

 _Used to_.

You wondered how much Erwin had told Levi about you. You wondered if he had mentioned your fight and how you hadn’t been speaking to one another anymore.

“I see…” You frowned as you put out what was left of your cigarette on the railing. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Did he say anything before he… “ You trailed off, not even sure if you wanted to know the answer to the question anymore.

“He-” Levi’s voice caught in his throat; you watched his Adam's apple jump as he swallowed to clear it. “He asked for his Dad.”

“Oh… “ You laughed a little as tears began to fall again.

Levi looked at you pensively, as if he wasn’t sure that he had said the right thing. He sighed and took another long drag of his cigarette and exhaled again.

“I-” He began.

“Thank you for being with him.” You interrupted, offering a sad smile - not wanting him to feel like he had done anything wrong.

“Don’t thank me,” He scoffed. “It’s my-”

“There you are __________!” Hanji suddenly cut him off as they appeared and stepped out onto the balcony. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“I’m sorry,” you laughed nervously as you quickly wiped your eyes, thankful that you had used waterproof makeup that morning. “I must’ve lost track of time.”

“It’s fine don’t worry about it.” Hanji waved their hand dismissively. 

“I’m going back in.” Levi said as he dropped his cigarette to the floor, crushed it beneath his foot, and turned towards the door.

“It was nice to meet you Levi,” You stopped him placing your hand on his arm, “Thank you for coming today.”

“Yeah. No problem.” He looked back at you once more as he placed his cap back on his head, “Thanks for the smoke I guess.” 

You nodded as you dropped your hand to your side, releasing him. Immediately he turned and walked away again, brushing past Hanji as he re-entered the building. Hanji’s head curiously whipped back to get another look at him and then back at you again.

“Who was that guy?” 

“It was Captain Ackerman, he served with Erwin.” You explained. 

“Huh… kind of short for a soldier.” They remarked. 

“Hanji!” You tutted and playfully hit them on the shoulder.

“What? It’s true!” They laughed defensively as they rubbed the spot that you had hit. “Anyways, I came to see if you were ready to go home. Things are starting to wrap up downstairs and I think your Mom has had enough for one day.”

You nodded as you followed Hanji back inside and down the stairs. As they left to fetch the coats, you spotted your Mother standing in the foyer waiting for you, conversing with Nile and Maria. You thought back to all the times that they had come over to your place to hang out with Erwin as kids and how different things had been back then - before you had moved away to go to university, before they had started dating, before Nile had become a cop and Erwin a soldier, before the war. 

“Hey kid, how are you doing?” Nile greeted you as you approached. 

“I’m fine,” you lied. “What about you guys?”

“Good… all things considering.” He replied.

“Thank you for coming today you two, I know it would’ve meant a lot to him that you were both able to make it here.” Your Mother said.

“It’s no problem ma’am, Trost will still be there when we get back - and I know that Erwin would do the same for us.” Maria smiled. 

“If there’s anything you two need let us know,” Nile offered. “I know his Dad’s cabin is still in good condition if you plan on coming down to visit, I assume he left it to you.”

“We are still looking for an estate attorney to help sort out the will at the moment,” your Mother replied. “But we would love to.”

“Thank you.” You said.

 _‘Speak for yourself’_ , You thought - not sure if you would ever be ready to go back home again. You had built a whole life in Mitras after you had graduated from University - a new home, new friends, new job - and were almost able to forget the things that you had lost back then. Going back to Trost would just be reopening a long healed over wound.

Hanji returned with your Mother’s coat as you bid farewell to your old friends and followed your Mother outside to the car. You climbed into the backseat. It was done. You had made it through the day, but now what? You sighed as you thought about how lonely your apartment would be when you got home and thought about how, if things had turned out differently, Erwin would still be here.

As the car exited the dark iron gates of the cemetery, you pressed your forehead against the cool glass of the car window and gazed out towards the trees, watching as the hues of red leaves finally surrendered to the changing season and allowed themselves to be carried away by the winter wind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting back into AOT and starting a multi-chapter fanfic for myself and all the other Levi simps out there, just a few months before the series is about to end is such a mood (╥_╥)  
> Yes, the title is from NFWMB. Yes, I am in Hell. Yes, I’m dragging you all with me! It’s definitely indicative of what is to come in later chapters 🙃 - you just got to wait and see xxx  
> Anyways, please leave kudos if you enjoyed it - comments are also encouraged! I’d love to know if you enjoyed it or even just wanted to say hello lmao.  
> You can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/feIassans) and [tumblr](https://felassanss.tumblr.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

_“Darling I’m sorry, but I have to do this,” The man’s voice pleaded._

_“Even if it means putting your family and friend in danger?” The woman replied._

_“This is my job, I-”_

_“You’re insane… What about our daughter? What about his son?”_

_“We have to try.”_

_“If you walk out that door with him, don’t you dare come back.”_

_You heard footsteps,_

_The creak of the rusted hinges on the old front door,_

_Then the click of a latch, as it closed behind him for the last time._

-

Your memory of that dream dissipated as you woke with a start - the incessant chiming of your phone disturbing your hazy afternoon slumber. You blinked cautiously as you allowed your eyes to readjust to the light in your living room and you realised that you must’ve fallen asleep in front of the TV again. You had spent the weekend zoned out, watching reruns on the Food Network in your pyjamas, trying to pretend like everything was alright but deep down you knew that you were just wallowing in your grief.

You shifted out of the awkward position that you had been resting in and quickly checked your phone - 2 missed calls and an email from Hanji:

_Hey,_

_You weren’t answering your phone, but I just wanted to let you know that I put your Mom in contact with an estate attorney to help you sort out Erwin’s will - he comes highly recommended by Moblit, so he’ll take care of everything you guys need._

_There will probably be a probate period whilst any assets are accounted for and inheritances are distributed, but that’ll be discussed more when you meet with him._

_I hope that you’re holding up okay. Please let us know if there’s anything else you guys need._

_All the best,_

_Hanji_

You stared blankly at the screen as you processed their message, that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach returned as you drowsily remembered that Erwin really was gone now - his worldly possessions and the strands of the memories that irrevocably tied you together were all that remained. 

You speculated what would happen to that cabin and the rest of Erwin’s things now - whether your Mother would prefer to keep or throw away what little remained.

You sat there lost in your thoughts for a minute or two before you sat up and ran your fingers through your hair as you looked around your apartment, noticing how cluttered your present surroundings were compared to how your memories of Erwin used to be. He had always been so organised and put together, but you were always the opposite - living in what your Mother had always jokingly referred to as “organised chaos”, everything in your room had its place but you were never quite sure where those places were supposed to be.

Used plastic takeout boxes, empty wine bottles and coffee mugs sat atop the oak coffee table; the ironing from 3 days ago shoved creased and unfolded inside the washing basket; dozens of old books that you had been reading and forgot to put back on the shelf were beginning to pile up, and odd bits of paperwork were scattered across the dark wood floor. Groaning as you pulled yourself off of the sofa, you thought about how he would’ve reacted if he could see you like this now, and then decided that you had started to have enough of feeling like shit all the time - so if you couldn’t fix what was broken on the inside, tidying up the outside would have to be good enough. 

After quickly replying to Hanji’s email to thank them, you began to put things back where they belonged and then gathered up the trash around your apartment, proceeding to head down to the car park to dump the full bin liner into the dumpster outside. You gazed up at the overcast sky and sighed in relief - the icy winter air felt refreshing in your lungs as you tossed the black bag into the container with a satisfying clunk, the sluggish haze that had once enveloped you had been stripped away, and for the first time in days you actually felt like you were awake again. 

As you turned to make your way back inside, you spotted your next-door neighbour out of the corner of your eye - struggling to carry her abundance of groceries. You briskly jogged towards her, ready to give her a hand before she dropped everything on the ground.

“Here, let me.” You said as you held out your arms to remove the brown paper bag that Carla Jaeger was about to lose her grip on.

“Oh __________! Thank God,” Carla laughed, as she readjusted herself. “That was an accident waiting to happen.”

“No worries, maybe next time make sure you’ve got the kids to carry it all in for you.” You joked as the pair of you began to make your way back towards the entrance of the apartment building. 

“Pfft… I wish,” Carla scoffed. “Mikasa would help no problem but trying to get Eren to do chores these days, without having to ask dozens of times, is like getting blood from a stone.”

“He’ll grow out of it eventually.” You reassured her.

“Oh he better,” she replied. “Anyways, how have you been?”

“I-I’ve been better.” Carla noticed as you hesitated in your response.

“I heard about your brother, my condolences.” she offered.

“Thank you,” You smiled sadly, trying to hide the sting you felt in your chest. “He fought at Shiganshina.”

“Yes. It’s fitting that the war should end where it began,” Carla sighed as you opened the door. You noticed the sadness behind her amber brown eyes as she thought back to her family’s former hometown. “It’s just a shame that it got to this point in the first place.”

Your neighbours had never told you all of the details but, between what Erwin had described and what you saw on the news, you knew that the Marlyean attack 5 years ago had been devastating - so many innocent lives lost over a pathetic dispute that had nothing to do with them. The Jaegers were one of the few families to get out of there alive and unscathed but from what you could tell, Mikasa’s parents had not been as lucky and she had been living with the Jaegers ever since. 

“Will you go back?” You asked. 

“I’m not sure. Grisha and I are still thinking it over…” she replied as she pressed the button to call the elevator. “We both just want what’s best for the kids.” 

“Yeah that’s the most important thing.” You nodded as you stepped inside.

“Things are complicated enough right now anyways, with Grisha’s workload at the hospital and Mikasa’s cousin coming to stay with us I have enough on my plate at the moment.” She huffed as she pressed the button for your floor.

“You’re taking in another kid?” You asked incredulously, wondering how on earth they could fit another person in their cramped apartment.

“Goodness no,” Carla laughed. “He’s an adult, he just needs a couch to crash on for a few weeks whilst he finds a place of his own.”

“Oh, I see…” You replied. “I don’t mean to pry but… if she had a living relative then why did she stay with you after her parents passed away?”

“He was drafted for military service; he gets discharged today.” She explained.

“Ah I see.”

You thought for a moment how strange it was that Mikasa’s cousin hadn’t been granted an exemption by the military, given the circumstances. The elevator came to a stop at the fourth floor, you followed Carla down the corridor as the doors parted and came to a halt outside her front door as she placed the shopping bags down on the ground and began to search for her keys in her handbag. 

“I’m doing a big meal to celebrate,” Carla announced as she finally retrieved the key and shoved it into the lock. “You should come, as a thank you for helping me carry all this up here.”

“Oh no I wouldn’t want to intrude!” you politely declined.

“Don’t be ridiculous. The more the merrier,” she chuckled as she opened the door. “... and besides, the Arlerts are coming as well so you won’t be third wheeling.”

“Carla that’s very sweet of you, but I’m fine honestly you don’t have to-” you began to protest.

“Please… when was the last time you had a proper home cooked meal?” She interrupted, raising an eyebrow. 

“Uhh…” You stopped to think. 

“You are taking waaayyy too long to respond to that,” she chuckled again, picking up her paper grocery bags. “Dinner is at six. Go freshen up, I’ll take it from here.”

Before you could refuse again, she had already closed the door behind her. You couldn’t help but smile, relieved that you still had some people around you that cared, even after Erwin and so many of the other people in your life had disappeared. 

Deciding to give up on resisting her, you headed back into your own apartment to get ready.

-

Two hours later you stood outside the Jaeger’s front door once again, only this time you had tried to make yourself look presentable - you had changed into some comfortable smart casual clothing: dressed in an elegant cream blouse underneath a dark navy jumper, a pair of dark grey high-waisted trousers that were cropped at the calf, with matching crew socks and a pair of polished black brogues.

You heard laughter and muffled conversation through the door and assumed that everyone must already be inside acquainting themselves with the Jaeger’s new guest. As you knocked and waited to be let inside, you idly wondered what kind of person he would be - whether he bore any resemblance to Mikasa at all or was as distant in appearance as he was in their relationship. You heard footsteps and then the clunk of the latch as the front door was pulled open.

“It’s you?” Your eyes widened in surprise. 

Before you stood a familiar face that you had never expected to encounter again. A small gasp caught in your throat as your eyes met and you could feel his cool grey gaze staring curiously into you as you suddenly realised that the man standing in front of you was none other than Captain Levi Ackerman, only this time he was dressed as a civilian - in a pale blue dress shirt tucked into black slacks.

“What?” Levi raised his brow, not quite sure how to react to your response. 

“I- I just didn’t expect to meet you again,” you began, suddenly flustered. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been just fine.” He replied, his expression not giving much away - although the dark circles under his eyes seemed less severe than they had been the last time you met.

“I’m glad to hear that.” You said, deciding to take his word for it.

“So are you coming in, or what?” He asked as the pair of you paused for a moment on the doorstep, both aware of how ever so slightly awkward your unexpected reunion was, before Levi slowly moved to the side as if to make way for you to come in. 

“Right! Sorry.” You laughed nervously as you stepped over the threshold into the Jaeger’s apartment and Levi closed the door behind you. 

Although their unit was designed for a family and was slightly larger than yours, their apartment still felt somewhat claustrophobic with so many people inside. You spotted Armin’s Grandfather sitting with Dr. Jaeger at the dining table playing cards and gave them a polite wave, then looked over towards the living area and saw Eren; Armin; and Mikasa squished together on the couch as they sat chatting whilst they watched TV, laughing about the programme that they had been watching. 

It had been a while since you had seen them all together like this, but you couldn’t help but smile to yourself when they all looked up and gave you a wave as you entered the room. You noticed that, whilst Eren and Armin had barely changed at all, Mikasa had completely altered her appearance - now wearing a large leather choker and an oversized black jumper that had been French tucked into a pair of matching distressed shorts adorned with flat link chains and a pair of thigh high socks, you also noted that she had cut her black hair into a messy long bob and gotten another two piercings in her ear. 

“Hi!” Armin greeted you.

“Long time no see!” Eren said.

“I know right?” You replied as you removed your shoes and placed them on the rack by the door, Levi brushing past you as he headed back to take a seat on the other couch. “Loving the new look Mikasa.”

“Thanks.” She smiled and then turned her attention back to the TV.

“How’s school been?” You asked.

“Sucks as usual.” She replied, not looking away from the screen. 

_‘Oh to be a teenager again’ -_ you thought to yourself as you stepped closer towards the trio, taking a seat beside Levi. 

“We have to look for work experience placements,” Armin explained.

“Ew…” you laughed. “Found anything good?”

“Not really,” Eren cut in, “I wanted to sign up for the training corps, but Mom said no.”

“The training corps is not work experience.” Mikasa gave him a shove with her elbow.

“Ow!” Eren rubbed his ribcage. “Excuse me for wanting to-”

“Let’s not bring that up again,” Levi interrupted, sighing as he leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms. “Whilst I’m here, I’d rather not listen to your incessant whining about how unfair and boring your life is just because your Mommy stopped you from doing something.”

“I’m not a kid anymore sir, I just -” he began to object. 

“The war is over kid. Pick a different hill to die on.” Uninterested, Levi cut him off with a deadpan response.

You glanced back at him surprised, a look of genuine annoyance was etched across his face as he stared coldly back at Eren. You understood where he was coming from - Afterall, who in their right mind would happily encourage a 16 year old boy to join the military after the end of a devastating war where so many promising young men and women had been killed - but were shocked that he had put it so bluntly. You looked back at Eren, expecting him to bite back again, but this time Mikasa had put her hand on his arm as if to warn him not to.

“Yeah, over for now.” Eren grumbled as he shrank back into his seat dejected and resumed staring at the TV. 

Although you agreed with Levi, Eren wasn’t entirely wrong about that part, in the end the war had hardly been a definitive victory for Eldia - with Marley only backing off because of their surprise defeat at the hands of Erwin’s forces in Shiganshina - and the resumption of conflict would be so much easier than ending that cycle of violence. Every life that had been lost on the battlefield that day had bought you time and nothing more, and as powerless as you were in the face of it, all you could do is hope that the government wouldn’t waste Erwin’s sacrifice and allow his and his comrades deaths to be in vain. A part of you wondered if Levi felt the same way too, or if he just didn’t want kids like Eren walking into that hell anymore. 

All of you sat in an awkward silence for a few moments before Eren’s Mother appeared from the kitchen, carrying serving plates stacked with food for a roast dinner. 

“It’s ready!” She hummed as she placed down the roast chicken. “Oh __________, I’m glad that you could make it.” 

“No problem, thanks for inviting me.” You replied, getting up to help her.

Everyone quickly rushed to take their seats at the dining table and began to pass around the cutlery and plates, praising Carla’s cooking as they helped themselves to the food. You took a seat besides Carla and dug in, thankful that you hadn’t passed up the opportunity to have some proper food for a change - as opposed to the instant ramen you had tucked away in the back of your cupboard. 

“__________, do you know if your Mother will be opening the cafe tomorrow?” Armin’s grandfather asked in between bites of the crisp roast potatoes.

“I think so yes,” you replied after swallowing. “We’re both trying to go back to our normal routines as much as we can.”

“That might be for the best. It’s good to stay occupied.” Dr. Jaeger nodded.

“I’ll go see her tomorrow and offer my condolences.” Mr. Arlert continued.

“I think that she would appreciate that.” You smiled to try and mask your discomfort, tired of the constant reminders that you were in mourning.

“So… Levi,” Carla cut in, perhaps noticing that the mood had soured. “Congratulations on getting discharged!”

“Thanks.” He said, not looking up from his meal. 

“Why don’t you tell us a bit about your time serving?” She asked, glaring towards Eren as if to warn him to pay close attention to whatever grim story she expected Levi to recount. She must’ve overheard their little spat from the kitchen and wanted to see if it would discourage her son.

“There’s not much to tell.” He replied curtly, putting his fork down and taking a sip of water, clearly not wishing to go down that route of discussion. 

“Right…” Carla laughed nervously and resumed eating. “I’m sure it’s not exactly polite dinner conversation.”

“No it’s not,” he glanced towards you, noticing the grimace on your face. “And I think your guest would prefer we not bring it up.” 

“I’m fine.” You lied, taking a sip of water. 

“Whatever you say.” He said dismissively. 

You furrowed your brow in response as it suddenly struck you how impolite this man truly was. At the funeral you had given him the benefit of the doubt, assuming that it was the stress of the situation that had caused his sharpness, and yet here he was - a guest in the Jaeger household - continuing to be dismissive towards all those around him. You doubted that he mentioned you out of genuine concern, figuring that he was simply looking for something to use to avoid talking any further - not that you blamed him for that, although you were a little annoyed that he had drawn attention to you in order to do it.

“If you don’t wish to talk about it, you don’t have to use my feelings as an excuse,” you responded, unable to resist the temptation to have the last word before changing the subject. “So Mikasa, have you found anything for your work experience placement yet?”

If Levi reacted, you didn’t notice. Instead you turned your attention towards his younger cousin who had been silently watching up until this point.

“No I haven’t.” 

“You speak Hizuru’s language, right?” You asked.

“Yeah I guess,” She awkwardly played with her food. “I’m a bit rusty though.”

“That’s fine. So am I,” you explained. “I only brought it up because I just thought that I might be able to get you an internship for the Eldian Foreign Service. Now that the war is over, I imagine we will be strengthening our ties with other nations, so the government will probably expand the civil service.”

“That sounds wonderful! Doesn’t it Mikasa?” Carla said enthusiastically. 

“Yeah I guess.” She replied smiling slightly. 

“I think you’d be good at it; you did mention that you wished that you could use your Mother’s native language more often.” Armin added.

“You should go for it,” Eren nudged her. “It’ll look good on college applications.”

“What about you?” She asked.

“What about me?” He replied.

“You should apply too, then we can do it together.”

“I don’t speak another language, plus it’s not my kind of thing.”

“Oh,” Mikasa’s face dropped. “Maybe we should keep looking for something else then.”

“Are you kidding?” Levi spoke up in an irritated tone.

“Excuse me?” Mikasa replied, looking towards her cousin at the opposite end of the table. 

“You’re passing up on an opportunity like that just because your boyfriend doesn’t want to do it with you?” He questioned.

“No I- he’s not my-” Mikasa stammered as she protested, stopping to look back at Eren who had suddenly dropped his fork onto his plate and splashed gravy across himself upon hearing Levi’s observation.

“Sure…” Levi said as he looked back and forth between the two, voice dripping with scepticism. 

“I don’t remember asking for your opinion anyways.” She snapped back.

“Didn’t know I needed your approval to give it.” He replied snarkily.

You watched as Mikasa’s eyes narrowed in frustration, their greyish-blue hue burning against her cousin’s cold gaze. It was clear from how the pair interacted, that they were not close, and you privately wondered if there was ever a time that they did get along or have anything in common despite the large gap between them. 

“You know what, I’m not hungry anymore.” She announced, loudly putting her cutlery down and pulling out her chair to leave.

“Mikasa wait-” Carla began but was promptly ignored as Mikasa took her plate, carried it to the kitchen, and then headed straight for her bedroom - slamming the door behind her. 

“So much for a warm family reunion.” Levi rolled his eyes and resumed eating. 

_‘No thanks to you,’_ you thought.

“You both just need time to get used to one another again.” Dr. Jaeger sighed.

Everyone at the table went back to their meals and continued eating in an uneasy silence, eager to finish their food and move on from how awkward this had become. When you were all finished, you watched as Levi gathered up all of the plates unprompted and carried them into the kitchen to wash up. The rest of the adults all remained at the table, whilst Eren and Armin decided to go check on Mikasa, you just sat there half paying attention to their conversation about the heavy snow that was expected over the next few days. 

Earlier you had been grateful that Carla invited you but now you just felt socially drained, despite the fact that you had only been there for less than an hour, and although you wanted nothing more than to head back to your own apartment and crawl into bed - you didn’t want to make it seem as if you had only come for the food and not the company. Hearing the clinking of plates in the sink coming from the kitchen you thought that, perhaps if you helped Levi tidy up a little before finding some excuse to leave early, they wouldn’t think anything of it. 

You excused yourself from the table and headed into the kitchen where Levi was standing in front of the sink with an apron tied around his waist, the sleeves of his dress shirt were rolled up at the elbow as his hands reached into the sink to fish a frying pan out of the soapy water.

“What do you want?” Levi asked somewhat sharply, and it dawned on you that perhaps the reason he had come in here was not so different from yours.

“I just thought you could use some help,” You replied, somewhat dejected. “I wasn’t trying to bother you.”

Levi paused for a moment, as if he was considering kicking you out, before he suddenly put down the pan and opened a drawer to retrieve a clean dish cloth.

“You can dry.” He tossed the fabric towards you, and then picked the pan back up and began to scrub it with a steel wool sponge.

You slowly made your way towards the drying rack beside him, picking up a glass and carefully rubbing the cloth inside to remove any traces of water, casually catching a look at him whilst you worked. 

You watched as he focused on the task at hand, meticulously obliterating any traces of Carla’s cooking from the pan before swilling it out and placing it in front of you, his brow furrowed ever so slightly as he worked. His black hair fell over his eyes as he looked down into the sink and you noticed that, beyond his abrasive demeanour, he just seemed tired… as if just _being_ was enough to weigh him down.

“I think the glass is dry enough.” He remarked. 

“Oh… sorry,” you apologised, averting your gaze as you put the glass down and picked up the pan. “I was just thinking.”

“Oh yeah? I hope it was about how to get better at drying dishes.” He said wryly.

“No actually, it was about how much of an ass you are.” You smiled sarcastically.

“Is that so?” 

“Yeah,” You sighed. “Woke up on the wrong side of the bed today?” 

“I’m fine.” 

“Woke up on the wrong side of the bed every day?” You tilted your head as you looked back at him again, you heard him let out an amused huff of air as his lips ever so slightly curled upwards for a moment. 

“Don’t know what you’re talking about, my only problem is that you’re so fucking slow.” He put down the plate that he had been cleaning and flicked water at you with his wet hand.

“Thanks for that.” You complained.

For a moment you considered getting even with him but, as you reached out with your left arm to dip your fingers in the warm dishwater, you suddenly felt a hand grasp your wrist as Levi caught you. 

“Don’t even think about it.” He warned, his brow raised disapprovingly.

“You’re no fun.” You rolled your eyes as you went to pull away from him, but Levi kept his grip tight on you, his fingers pressed firmly against your wrist. 

“Do your job properly, or don’t do it at all.”

“Well I can’t do anything if you don’t let go, can I?” 

He shrugged as he released you, turning back towards the sink again to pick up where he had left off. 

The pair of you stood in relative silence for a while as you finished doing the dishes together, with Levi joining you at the drying rack as soon as he had finished washing up. You found yourself musing over how pedantic he was, critiquing your technique as if it was something worth perfecting and not a simple household chore, and wondered how on earth Erwin had tolerated him as a subordinate.

“Were you as fussy as this back when you were in the Survey Corps?” You teased. 

“Of course.” He replied.

“With my brother?”

“I held him to the highest standard.”

“Do you miss him?”

You didn’t know why you asked, but something about Levi’s expression piqued your curiosity.

“...“ He paused for a moment, as if reluctant to give you an answer. “You ask such stupid questions.” 

Textbook deflection, although you knew better than to pry. Afterall, you hardly knew the man - yet there was something that made you want to reassure him. For all you knew, this was what Erwin would’ve wanted you to do, or maybe you might’ve just been projecting your own feelings onto him - perhaps you simply wished that there was someone that could do this for you in return. 

“You know earlier how you said that you're doing okay?” You began.

“Please don’t do the heart-to-heart thing.” He took a step back as he stared at you, deadpan. 

“I won't. I’m just saying that it’s fine if you aren’t.”

“And what makes you think that I’m not okay?”

“Well because… I’m not.” You admitted, sighing sadly. 

You thought you saw a glimmer of surprise on Levi’s face as you spoke, his eyes widening at first and the softening again as he allowed your words to sink in. You wondered if he had been disarmed by your honesty or if he just felt sorry for you. 

“Oh…” His voice was quiet, as if he had something to say but didn’t quite know how to put it into words.

“I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable or anything, I just- I don’t know… fuck -” You sighed, unsure why you had even felt compelled to bring it up in the first place. 

“It’s fine.” He replied, taking a step closer to you again as if to close the distance that he had put between you.

The familiar sting of tears crept up on you as your heart suddenly grew heavy again, you looked down towards the ground and blinked hard in an attempt to force them back in. 

“Don’t you dare cry,” He reached up and placed his hand on your shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly. “I don’t want to have to dry the dishes all over again.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at how absurd his response was as looked up at him and let out a bemused giggle. Meeting his uncharacteristically gentle gaze, you realised that he had probably said it to cheer you up a little, and used the back of your hand to wipe a stray tear away and smiled.

“Good girl.” He chuckled under his breath as he slowly slid his hand off your shoulder, grazing your arm with his fingers as he pulled away. 

“Who’s a good girl?” 

You felt the heat flush your face, your eyes widening as you saw a whisper of a smirk suddenly fade from Levi’s expression when you both realised that Mr. Arlert had entered the kitchen. You were positively mortified that he had not only heard the embarrassing thing that Levi had said to you, but that he also had the audacity to repeat it out loud. 

“Oh my God, I- Uh… We were just joking around.” You laughed forcefully.

“Well I guess you kids these days sure have a strange sense of humour,” He scoffed as he opened the fridge to fetch a beer. “Don’t mind me!”

“I won’t.” Levi replied bluntly, crossing his arms.

“Would you like one?” Mr. Arlert asked, holding out a bottle towards you. 

“No, thank you,” you declined. “I have work in the morning, so I really ought to go now anyways.” 

“Ah I see, what a shame!” He smiled, before offering the same beer to Levi who shook his head.

You followed Mr. Arlert out of the kitchen and said your goodbyes to everyone, before heading back to the shoe rack to collect your brogues - thanking Carla for inviting you and all of her hard work especially. As you closed the front door behind you and headed back to your own apartment you couldn’t help but feel like an idiot for talking to Levi about how you were feeling - as if it was fair to share that with a stranger that hadn’t asked, as if you expected him to react a certain way, as if you wanted him to comfort you… Afterall, just because he had known Erwin, it didn’t mean that he owed you anything.

You stepped back inside your lonely apartment and sighed as you flopped back down onto the couch. It was done. You had made it through another day, and tomorrow you would have to do the same again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa goth supremacy! I know that at the moment she seems like she’s stuck to Eren like glue but please bear with me she will get character development I swear lmao. I was also feeling very dark academia for the MC’s aesthetic. It’s perfect for winter and also the tone of the story to come. 
> 
> This chapter literally took me so much longer to write than the first, I think it’s mainly because it involved introducing a lot of new characters and is sort of a transition between the funeral and the MC adjusting to the changes that are going to be happening soon. And shout out to Kit for being RUTHLESS with the proofreading.
> 
> I hope that you’re enjoying it so far! Please let me know what you think in the comments and please don't forget to leave kudos if you liked it :)
> 
> You can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/feIassans) and [tumblr](https://felassanss.tumblr.com/)


	4. Chapter 4

You awoke to the shrill beeping of your morning alarm. With your face buried between the pillows, you stretched out towards your bedside table and smacked your hand down aimlessly until you managed to hit the digital clock and shut it off - relishing the return of sweet, sweet silence. 

It was Monday again. 

Slowly opening your eyes as you lazily rolled onto your back, you remembered that you had to get up and go back to work. You closed your eyes again and let out a small groan and against every instinct you had telling you to stay in bed for just five more minutes, you pushed yourself upright and yawned - blinking slowly as your eyes adjusted to the room around you. You looked towards your clock to see the time and lifted your arms into the air to stretch, before standing up and shuffling towards the bathroom to shower. 

The hot water felt good against your skin as you washed your hair, the heat untangling all the knots in your muscles and the steam lifting away the daze that you had been in. It had been a week since the dinner at the Jaeger’s apartment and you had already begun to return to your job at the Foreign Service without too much difficulty - the distraction that your work provided kept you occupied for the most part, allowing you to fall into a routine numbness as every day that passed became easier to manage than the last.

The cold air of your apartment hit you as you got out of the shower and you hurried to dry your body, apply your lotion, and wrap yourself up in the warm dressing gown that had been hanging on the back of the bathroom door. Towel drying your hair as you walked towards the kitchen, you flipped the switch on your kettle and made a cup of coffee whilst you sat scrolling through your newsfeed on your phone, when suddenly a message notification appeared at the top of your screen. 

**Petra (Work):** _Roads are super icy. I learned the hard way -_-_

You headed towards the window with your mug in hand and winced as you drew back the curtain to see a thick layer of snow blanketing the streets below. It had been snowing here and there all week, but now it seemed as if it had finally decided to stick and you just knew that it was going to play havoc with your morning commute. 

**You:** _Thanks for the heads up! Hope you're okay - I’ll try to get to work in one piece lmao_

You quickly replied as you headed back towards your bedroom to finish getting ready for work. Whilst you put on makeup and dried your hair, you rummaged through your wardrobe and pulled out your favourite black turtleneck; a plaid A-Line skirt; and a pair of thick black tights to keep you warm. You were worried about being stuck outside in the cold whilst you waited for your train that was inevitably going to be delayed, if it wasn’t outright cancelled because of the weather - with a single snowflake on the line being all it seemed to take in order to send the rail network into a downward spiral of public transport hell. 

You were dreading it honestly, wanting nothing more than to climb back into your pyjamas and roll yourself up in your duvet instead, but you knew that if you skipped out on work you would just spend the day lounging around your apartment feeling sorry for yourself and you had grown tired of doing that. Grabbing your work heels and shoving them into your brown leather messenger bag, you gathered up the rest of your things and put on your dark grey overcoat and a pair of old battered boots and headed out your front door - praying that they were enough to keep your feet warm and dry. 

Stepping outside you noticed that in the time it had taken you to get ready, the roads had been gritted and enough cars had passed through to transform the perfect blanket of snow on the street into a river of miserable grey salt and slush. You suddenly remembered all those times that you and Erwin had walked home from school together in the winter, trudging through the Trost wind and ice and having snowball fights across the road, coming home freezing and wet and being forced to dry off by the fireplace with mugs of hot tea. 

You sighed sadly and let the crisp cold air fill your lungs as you began to make your way across the car park, hoping that getting around wouldn’t be as difficult for you as if had been for your work friend Petra, but quickly realised that it had been just wishful thinking - losing your balance, you felt your legs suddenly give way as you stepped on a patch of black ice and slipped.

“Oh fuck!-” you gasped as you hit the ground, landing straight on your ass.

“You know the ground is for walking on, not sitting right?” A familiar voice called out from behind you in a mocking tone.

Your head snapped up to catch a look at who had spoken and you were entirely unsurprised to find that it was Levi Ackerman, standing by Carla’s car dressed in a two piece suit with a black tie and grey shirt, underneath a thick topcoat. You watched as he finished scraping the remaining snow off of the windscreen and then opened the passenger side door to place his briefcase in the footwell before he closed it and began to make his way towards you.

“Wow really? But it’s oh so comfortable down here,” you replied sarcastically, rolling your eyes. “Care to join me?”

“As tempting as that offer is, I think I will have to decline.” He stopped beside you, crouching down to reach your level and holding out his hand.

“Well that’s a terrible shame.” You smiled, accepting it. 

“Guess it can’t be helped.” He replied gruffly, his voice hoarse as if he had only just woken up. You felt his strong hand clasp around yours as he pulled you up from the cold hard ground, moving his other hand towards your lower back for support.

“I guess not…“

As you reached a standing position once more, your stomach fluttered as you were suddenly aware of how close you were to him now - he looked tired as usual, the dark circles under his eyes had gotten worse again since the last time you saw him, but the coldness behind them thawed a little as you met his gaze. The winter chill that you had felt in your fingers had been replaced by the warmth of his hand that now radiated into yours, and for a fleeting moment you found that you were almost reluctant to let him go. You didn’t move, but neither did he.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“You seriously haven’t started the car yet?” The sound of a woman’s voice snapped you back to attention as you both turned to see Mikasa standing in the entryway of the apartment building, accompanied by Eren as usual, staring daggers at the pair of you.

“Oh- thank you for helping me.” You nervously laughed as you stepped back, finally releasing his hand and readjusting your own balance - not wanting the kids to get the wrong idea. 

“I thought I told you to dress warmer,” Levi crossed his arms and chastised her, “Don’t come crying to me later when you’re freezing your ass off.”

Whilst Eren was wrapped up warm in a thick parka, she was dressed in an oversized white T-shirt for a band you didn’t recognise, a pair of fishnet tights underneath her homemade ripped jeans, and doc martens - carrying a bag on her right arm, with her coat draped across the other. 

“Trust me. I won't. _You short bastard._ ” She scoffed, kicking the snow at her feet, and muttering that last insult in her Mother’s native tongue so that he wouldn’t pick up on it - although you certainly did.

“Hey __________!” Eren waved at you as he continued to walk across the car park.

“Good morning,” you smiled, “School didn’t get cancelled?”

“Nah it did, Levi was just going to take us to meet Armin at the library to study for finals.” He explained as he stopped at his Mother’s car and reached for the passenger door handle.

“In the back.” Levi ordered.

“Huh?“ Eren withdrew his hand and took a step back, confused.

“You’re going to work right?” Ignoring him, Levi turned his attention back to you as Mikasa brushed past and dragged Eren into the backseat, whispering something to him as she slammed the door behind her.

“Yeah I-”

“I’ll take you,” he sighed, lifting his arm up to check the watch on his wrist. 

“It’s fine, I was just headed to the station.” You replied.

“Yeah well… Good luck with that,” He rolled his eyes. “Just get in.”

“But -“ you replied, turning your head to follow him as walked away before you had another chance to refuse him. 

Sighing, you relented, following him back to the car. There was a part of you that half expected him to relegate you to the back to sit with the teenagers, who had already shoved their earphones in and shut out the rest of the world, but he had no complaints as you climbed into the passenger seat beside him and fastened your seatbelt. 

Levi turned the key in the ignition as the heating slowly kicked in to replace the residual cold from outside and you watched his sharp jawline clench and relax again as he brought the driver seat forwards to better position himself. You caught yourself finding the whole thing just a little bit endearing - although Levi seemed unapproachable and difficult to read on the surface at first, you couldn’t help but think to yourself that; after spending more time around him you could probably get used to it like Erwin once had.

You made a mental note to look for the letters that he had sent you whilst he was away at war, suddenly getting the urge to hear his voice again but knowing that the words on those pages were the closest that you might ever get. You had been putting it off - knowing that it would be painful to see the hope that he had and how pointless it all ended up being - but were relieved that you still had them stored away in some dark corner of your apartment, despite the urge to throw them all away that you had once had after you two had drifted apart.

“The Foreign Service is the big building opposite the river downtown, right?” Levi asked, suddenly bringing you back to the present again.

You hadn’t exactly made the fact that you were a civil servant a secret, considering that you had offered to help Mikasa get an internship, but you couldn’t recall a time where you had ever specifically mentioned it - perhaps he had just made an educated guess, already knew about it from Erwin, or maybe he had asked Carla after you left?

“Oh yeah- you can’t miss it,” you replied. “Are you sure it’s not out of the way?”

“No, I have an interview nearby.” He explained as he carefully steered out of the car park towards the main road.

“What’s the job?” 

“Just working in some shitty office I guess.” He didn’t seem too enthused. 

“Well, good luck!” You offered, but he didn’t acknowledge it.

You sat there in silence again for a few minutes as Levi drove, feeling a little too awkward to say anything again. Occasionally you would find yourself peeking up at the rear view mirror to catch glimpses of Mikasa and Eren in the back, who were both glued to their phones - probably preferring to speak to each other over text rather than out loud for the adults to hear - and seemed to be entirely wrapped up in a world of their own. 

You sadly smiled to yourself as you fondly remembered how you weren’t so different when you were their age but felt a sliver of remorse for how much more awful you had been to your Mother at times. 

After the accident, your Mother had done her best to raise you and Erwin all by herself but no matter how hard she tried to shield you, the both of you had both grown up listening to the thinly veiled judgment or unwelcome pity of small town locals, and living in a small town where everyone knew your family baggage had made you a very embittered teen indeed. But you had mellowed out a lot since growing up and leaving Trost behind - as you learned to find out who you were as an individual, outside of how others saw you, allowing you to stop being defined by the things that pained you the most… at least some of the time. 

You couldn’t say the same for your brother. 

Lost in thought, you barely noticed that you had arrived outside the library until the car came to a definitive stop. You looked back and waved to the pair as they climbed out of the backseat, with only Eren bothering to thank Levi for the ride before he and Mikasa headed towards the building to meet up with Armin. 

“Kids these days-” Levi tutted as he released the handbrake and drove away.

“Oh please,” you laughed. “Don’t tell me you were any different back in the day.”

“I was worse.” He smirked slightly.

“How much worse?” you asked, your curiosity piqued.

“You don’t wanna know.”

“Yes I do.” 

“Hmmm,” he paused, “No.”

“Oh come on,” You objected. “You can’t tease me with your mysterious past and then not divulge any details!”

“Watch me.” 

“Fine! I won’t pry,” You chuckled softly. “Go ahead and be boring.”

“Oh I’m boring? But I thought you said I was mysterious.” He raised his eyebrow as he turned the corner.

“You can be both,” You teased. “But I’m sure the kids just think you’re a boring old man though.”

“I am only 32.” He replied curtly, briefly giving you a disapproving glare before turning his attention back to the road ahead. 

“Yeah, that’s practically ancient to a teenager.” You explained.

“Well, if you’re so ‘down with the kids’, why don’t you tell me what Mikasa’s problem is?” He joked. 

“What problem?”

“The fact that she hates my guts?” He sighed.

There was a true tiredness behind his voice, as if he were exhausted at the fact that he and Mikasa just couldn’t relate to one another and didn’t really know what to do about it. You couldn’t help but feel a little surprised by his tone, not really expecting him to care like that, but when you thought about it - she might be the only family that he had left. The only connection to civilian life that he had now. 

“She’s just a teenage girl, they don’t like being told what to do.” You said to reassure him.

“She doesn’t act like that with Carla or Grisha.” He pointed out, unconvinced.

“Maybe she’s more comfortable around them. She has been living with them since she was a kid, right?” You asked.

“Yeah, I guess.” 

“How well do you two know each other?”

“We don’t.” He replied deadpan, “I didn’t even know she existed until her parents died, I wasn’t close with her side of the family.”

You weren’t quite sure how to respond to that, not wanting to be invasive and ask more questions than he wanted to answer, but you couldn’t deny that you were curious. 

“So … that’s why she’s with the Jaegers?” You asked cautiously, hoping that it wouldn’t come across as rude.

“It’s a bit more complicated than that,” He sighed, not seeming to take offense “I had… circumstances.”

“I see.” you acknowledged that you had hit the limit on what he was willing to divulge. 

You quickly did the math in your head - Mikasa was 16, Levi was 32 - if her parents had died 6 years prior at the start of the war, then he would’ve been the same age that you were now. You thought to yourself how overwhelming that would be, you had a stable job and income, even you didn’t think that you could have handled the responsibility of taking care of a child that suddenly - especially a traumatised one that you had never met before. You didn’t know what Levi’s “circumstances” were but, considering that Mikasa had been lucky enough to end up in a loving home in the end, you weren’t going to judge him too harshly for it. 

“I think really the only thing you can do is be patient with her and try not to nag her too much, it’ll get easier once you two know each other better.” You offered some advice, although with how generic it was you weren’t sure how helpful Levi would find it. 

“I guess.” He sighed as you arrived at your destination. Pulling into the car park, he made sure to find a space close to the entrance of the Foreign Service building.

“Maybe speak to Eren about what she’s interested in? He might have some ideas.” 

You looked across to Levi as you waited for him to respond. Not reacting at first, he stared at the steering wheel - brows furrowed as if he was deep in thought - and then turned the key in the ignition to cut the engine. 

You couldn’t tell if he had been satisfied with your proposed solution.

“Anyways, I should get going…” You started, unfastening your seatbelt. “I don’t want to be late.”

“Oh right, yeah you should.” He replied, bringing his attention back to you. 

He looked a little lifted now, as if speaking about it had eased the burden somewhat. He didn’t seem as tired but there was still sadness lingering behind his eyes, Levi wasn’t ready to be an open book with you, but you hoped that with time he might be able to move past that. 

“Thank you for the ride Levi, and good luck with your interview!” You smiled gratefully.

“Yeah no problem.” 

Grabbing your bag as you climbed out of the passenger seat, you gently closed the door behind you on the way out and headed towards the entrance - briefly stopping to see Levi reverse out of the parking space and drive away, you smiled sadly as you watched him go, realising that the usual numbness that had been enveloping you had begun to crumble away as the feeling of his absence lingered longer than you had expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello sorry this took a little longer than expected! I'm still emotionally recovering from chapter 138 xx
> 
> So in this chapter we are starting to get to know Levi a little better before the main part of the story kicks in, the next chapter will probably focus more on the MC's backstory and maybe hint at why her relationship with Erwin was so strained at the end 🥺 and how that will tie into the main plot later!  
> I have a lot of ideas on where the story is going, and thanks to Kit for helping come up with a lot of great stuff for the later chapters! I can't wait to write them hehe.
> 
> If you enjoyed what you've read so far please don't be shy - let me know what you think in the comments or leave kudos, I love to interact with readers and the comments I've received so far were so lovely. I'm very grateful for any feedback!
> 
> You can find me here on [twitter](https://twitter.com/feIassans) and [tumblr](https://felassanss.tumblr.com/)


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